No Preconceived Ideas

Tonight I have no preconceived ideas

No concept how this poem is gonna go

Perhaps I’ll write of smoky pizzerias

Or paddle a canoe against the flow

A lonely cabin way up in the woods

Could be a metaphor for something grim

A hermit lurks there with his worldly goods

Just hoping that no one will notice him

But that’s too bleak, let’s have a pretty field

A mountain meadow, flowers all a-bloom

The birds above all soared and dove and wheeled

While underneath a bride danced with her groom 

Hey, look! While simply spouting junk to fit

A classic English Sonnet’s what I get

First Launch

Congratulations Virgin Galactic on your first powered flight of SpaceShipTwo!

Incidentally, this is also my first use of my new markers in a drawing, but somehow I think their achievement is a little more impressive.

Grayscale Test

Recently I got some new alcohol-based art markers. They're Spectrum Noir, not Copics (I got 12 Spectrum Noir markers at JoAnn's for $16 after their 50% off coupons, while Copics are going for about $60 for 12 markers.) Anyway, I made a little test picture to see how they worked on the cardstock I use, how they blend with each other and what they look like when scanned.

Click to enlarge

Room Cleaning

I gave the girls a choice tonight

A choice on how to clean their room

Cause currently it looks a fright

The piles threaten to consume

Their Option One was be mature

Choose the things to pitch or keep

Sell or donate, just ensure

It doesn’t wind up in a heap

Option Two was far more grim

That’s where I clean up the mess

Get a shovel, toss it all

Sounds good to me, I must confess

Which will they choose? What will they do?

So far they’ve chosen Option One

But if they slack, it’s Option Two

And time for Dad to have some fun...

Matanzas Mule

Let's learn some history! Today's lesson is brought to you from the fine people at answers.com. Let's hear what they have to say...

Apr 27, 1898. In one of the first naval actions of the Spanish-American War, US naval forces bombarded the Cuban village of Matanzas. It was widely reported that the only casualty of the bombardment was one mule. The “Matanzas Mule” became instantly famous and remains a footnote in the history of the Spanish-American War.

"Hey guys, y'all hear something? Uh, guys..."

Perhaps a Pretzel?

Another day, another reason to celebrate! Today is National Pretzel Day! Here's a little poem for that most wonderful of breads.

I’m a proud descendent of a line that’s quite Bavarian

I’m really quite suburban though my forebears were agrarian

And in my culture there’s a snack that’s quite utilitarian

It’s salty and it’s bready and it’s even vegetarian

Of course I speak of pretzels, they’re a snack that’s nonsectarian

They’re loved by creatures great and small, from mammoth to planarian

And every kind of person, loud buffoon or soft librarian

Republican or Democrat or even Libertarian

Come one, come all, come short, come tall and sound a call that’s clarion 

Come celebrate the pretzel, bourgeoisie or proletarian

Perhaps you’ll write an opera that’s all epic and wagnerian

(But if you use my mustard up I’ll likely go barbarian!)

World Penguin Day!

Today, April 25, is World Penguin Day! Celebrate by hugging your favorite penguin!

Morning Zombies

The other morning, dark as night

I dragged my body from the bed

And cringing from the faintest light

I told myself I wasn’t dead

And so, with thoughts as thick as clay

I shuffled forth to start the day

But soon I noticed something grim

I realized I was not alone

For from the rooms and hallways dim

A muffled thump, a quiet moan

And then I knew, just from that sound

That morning zombies were around

And then I saw one standing there

In the bathroom in the hall

With bloodshot eyes and wild hair

And faintly I can just recall

How she appeared when flushed with life

Alas! This creature was my wife!

But then another sound I hear

From the bedroom next to me

Too tired to feel any fear

I peer into the gloom and see

Two mummies wrapped in shrouds, it seems

I flip the light on, hear the screams

“Turn that off!” one daughter calls

“Give me just five minutes more!”

Out of her bed the other falls

Still wrapped in sheets, she hits the floor

She moans and staggers round the room

A pharaoh in her cluttered tomb

But I don’t harbor any fears

It’s hard when eyes are filled with goo

And through the cotton ‘tween my ears

A single thought comes pushing through

Of all the monsters that there are

I am the biggest one by far

Warthog Gets a Drink

This week at work, we're taking the students to see the A-10s in the hangar, so I guess I've got Warthogs on the mind...

Earth Day

Oh, today is the day that we celebrate Earth

As we plant lots of flowers and trees

And we sing of the rain forests, deserts and hills

Not to mention the glaciers and seas

So I think that it’s odd on this day of all days

That a group from the Netherlands said

That they’re looking for people to leave Mother Earth

And to move to the planet that’s red

Yes, they’re moving to Mars, or at least that’s the plan

And once they arrive there they’ll stay

But I think that it’s rude to be turning your backs

And rejecting the Earth on her Day

So just go on and take off and fly out to space

And abandon your planet of birth

Just remember you leave behind people like me

Who will gladly inherit the Earth

(For more information or to apply with the Mars One program, click here. I'd sign up myself, but I have   two young daughters who need their daddy to stay here on Earth for a while.)

Old Barn

Sometimes I feel a little bit country, sometimes a little bit rock 'n roll. Tonight was not a rock 'n roll night...

Style

Tonight my darling wife and I

Watched Project Runway on TV

And I’ll admit I kind of like

To see their creativity

And I can sure respect the fact

That they can make so many clothes

Though time runs out and pressure builds

They all have something for their shows

But then the judges start to talk

And that’s where I become confused

Cause when I see a thing I like

Then that designer gets abused

But when there’s something terrible

Overblown or just too weak

The judges just can’t get enough

They say it’s “haute” or “Oh so chic!”

Now maybe I don’t know those words

But there’s sure one thing this guy gets

You can keep your fancy pants

I’ll stick with T-shirts, socks and sweats

Faces

I figure the only way to get better at something is to make lots of mistakes along the way (and hopefully learn something from them). Today I'm practicing faces, and learning that I'm very good at making mistakes...

Frustration

Little Known Fact: The fearsome and aggressive nature of the T-Rex stems from the fact that the vast majority of them were frustrated blacksmiths.

“Aarrgghh! Dropped it again! Why can’t I have opposable thumbs?!”

Panspermia

According to a recent scientific paper (read it here, or an article about it here), the earliest and simplest life might have formed about 10 billion years ago. Since the Earth is only about 4.6 billion years old, that means we all might be descended from aliens! To celebrate this finding, here's a poem in civilization's most perfect poetical form, the limerick!

Two guys were discussing the worth

Of the concept that life predates Earth

And if Moore’s Law applied

To our nucleotides

It’s been 10 billion years since first birth

Sleepy Giraffe

So, so sleepy...

Lizard Power

Little Known Fact: In 1898 a lizard was elected Vice Chancellor of Luxembourg. He served honorably for 3 1/2 years.

I was as surprised as anyone by the election results!

Tax Day

Today is the day all our taxes got done

And my brain’s full of forms like old Schedule 1

And the W-2s and the ten-ninety-nines

And all of the numbers and all of the lines

But at least they’re all done and we get money back

So I’ll call it a day and I’ll go hit the sack

The Appraisal

At ten o’clock this morning

We got a little call

It was our home appraiser

He was really on the ball

We had only signed the papers

About a day ago

And now he’s calling us to say

Today’s the day to go

He asks me for a time that’s good

So I say “How ‘bout four?”

He agrees, but then I see

There’s clutter on the floor

“What have I done!” I start to think

“This place is such a mess!

We’ve only got six hours

And it’s nowhere near its best!”

I start by brushing out the johns

And scrubbing out the tub

But then my tummy grumbles so

I go down for some grub

I have a nice, relaxing lunch

Salami and swiss cheese

My wife brings home Penn Station fries

To which I say, “Yes, please!”

But then I look up at the clock

How’s it already one?

We’ve used up half our time and yet

We’ve barely just begun

I head back up to take care of

The pile on my floor

There’s books and towels, a magazine

A box, some socks and something green

(It’s just a pen, don’t be obscene)

I sort and stack and make it clean

Until there’s nothing more

And now it’s two, what should I do?

I think I’ll go downstairs

The tax forms in the living room

The kitchen floor could use a broom

The games need stacking, movies racking,

Now my daughters are attacking

Maybe they could use a thwacking

‘Cause my patience sure is lacking

But then my wife declares:

“Dear me, it’s three! How can this be?

You haven’t vacuumed yet!”

And so while tangled in the cords

I get the cracks near the baseboards

It seems that everybody cares

The girls are putting shoes in pairs 

I sweep the stairs, under the chairs

I’m getting lots of girly hairs

I’m working up a sweat.

It’s four.

A soft knock at the door.

He visits every single room

And peers into the attic’s gloom

It feels like he has just begun

When he informs us that he’s done

He puts his coat and shoes back on

He says goodbye, and then he’s gone

My family and I feel beat

I think we’ll all go out to eat

Yuri's Night

Happy Yuri's Night, everybody! On this night we celebrate the first man in space (Yuri Gagarin in a Vostok capsule, April 12, 1961), the first Space Shuttle flight (Columbia, April 12, 1981), and earlier today Virgin Galactic did an in-flight, cold-flow drop test of SpaceShip Two. Hopefully this will lead up to their first powered flight in a few weeks!

A Risky Refi

Tonight we’re having so much fun

Although our taxes aren’t quite done

We figured what we needed was a little more to stress us out

And so my wife got on the phone

To refinance our mortgage loan

On speakerphone we chatted with a guy who told us all about

The essence of this newer plan

(He seemed a courteous young man)

So here is just a brief selection of the details we discussed

A lower rate, the closing fees

But no prepayment penalties

A new appraisal from someone who he assures us we can trust

So now we’ve printed quite a stack

We’ll sign ‘em, date ‘em, send ‘em back

And hopefully we’ll save a little money when it’s said and done

Cause if it all has been for naught

My darling wife might get distraught

And in that case I’ve found the only option left to me is “RUN!!”

Prospector

One of the nice things about this blog project is that even on nights when I'm tired and completely unmotivated, it still forces me to create something. Tonight, that something took the form of a very quick, very rough sketch of a grizzled old prospector.

"At least I'm better looking than that Darwin feller!"

Artist's Block

Tonight I had a bad case of artist's block - no idea what to draw - the time was getting later and later - absolutely zero inspiration. So I started with a big block. I added a tree growing out of the side, and then I thought some kind of waterfall feature might be nice. After that I just kept putting more stuff in to fill the empty spaces, and ended up with this...

A Monstrous Deed

Today's post is brought to you by a true story you can read about here, and by the number 2.

What could this world be coming to

When a kid who’s only two

Gets hurt by one he thought he knew?

Oh Cookie Monster, how could you!

Along Times Square, a family

Saw you and were filled with glee

Their little kid asked happily

For a photo, you and he

But then when they refused to pay

Two dollars you just lost your way

The awful words they heard you say

Would make a sailor turn away

And then you really came unbound

You pushed the kid down to the ground

The cops all came and gathered round

Then off to jail (or to the pound?)

So Cookie Monster, in review

You should be kind and not argue

I’d think of all the monsters, you

Would be the one to be true blue

Shadow Warrior of the Sea

After considering yesterday's post, I realized it was my duty to warn my dear reader(s?) of the dangers associated with these aquatic assassins...

Beware the shadow warrior of the sea!

Who slides and slinks more silent than the night

The nearly mystic ninja manatee

“But manatees,” you might protest to me

“Are seen near shore, not in the ocean’s might.”

Beware the shadow warrior of the sea!

And with that truth I’ll readily agree

Of him, no one shall ever catch a sight

The nearly mystic ninja manatee

But if you do, no matter how briefly

Spy his katana ‘neath the pale moonlight

Beware the shadow warrior of the sea!

For he will hunt you through eternity

His sai and stars will hunger for the fight

The nearly mystic ninja manatee

And in his eyes the last thing you will see

Is pity as you face your final plight

Beware the shadow warrior of the sea!

The nearly mystic ninja manatee

Manatees

Little Known Fact: Despite their often peaceful reputation, in certain circles manatees are more accurately known as the “ninjas of the seas”.

There are nine in this picture.

First Contact

As an official Ambassador for the Suborbital Applications Researchers Group (SARG) of the Commercial Spaceflight Federation*, I feel it is my duty to commemorate this most historic of days with all the pomp and dignity it deserves. So here's a little limerick...

On this date in just 50 more years

There will come jubilation and cheers

Cause according to Trek

(If you trust all that dreck)

That’s the day the first Vulcan appears

*It's a real thing! Contact me if you'd like more info or if you want me to give a talk at your organization about the awesomeness of suborbital spaceflight, or check out their website here:  http://www.boulder.swri.edu/NSRC2012/SARG/Ambassadors.html

Post 100!

Can you believe it? This is my 100th posting to this site. A few friends stopped by to help me celebrate.

Science!!

Q: What makes this scientist so mad? (Mad as in crazy, not as in angry. He's actually fairly happy, although apparently a little surprised.)

A: He's not wearing his eye protection!! (Proper eye safety is nothing to be taken lightly, kids!)

Sea Pigs

Little Known Fact: Commonly called “sea pigs”, members of the genus Scotoplanes are actually neither pigs nor do they live in the sea. They are actually featherless birds typically found watching real pigs from a safe distance.

“Uh, sure, I’m a bird! Um, tweet?”

An Important Announcement

Thank you all for stopping by

I’ve got an issue I must mention

A problem I’ve been pondering

Has caused me stress and doubt and tension

I’ve put a lot of work into

The poems and pictures I’ve been posting

But you, my readers, let me down

I feel on your end you’ve been coasting

Of course the possibility

Exists that no one’s out there reading

Cause if there’s anybody there

They’d post the comments I’ve been needing

And so, because my efforts seem

To be so unappreciated

This is my final posting here

Cause no one likes to be so hated

Yes, say goodbye to pangolins

And Mr. Grumpy Pants is leaving

The camels, cows and penguins too

Are gone - too bad there’s no one grieving

And though I mightily regret

The pain this causes and the sorrow

Just one more thing, please check the date

And meet me here again tomorrow