Big Whopper Liar Day

On the third Saturday of September, in New Harmony, Indiana, is the annual Big Whopper Liar Day tall-tale telling competition. I wasn't able to make it down there, but it got me thinking about some of my own unique abilities...

Let’s tell a tall tale

Let’s spin a good yarn

Exaggerate fibs

To the size of a barn

Can I do this in verse?

Of course! Can’t you see

There’s no other poet

Who’s better than me!

And what about drawing?

Consider these facts

My skills show “real” artists

Are talentless hacks!

In my job, I’m the best

All my students agree

Every kid that I teach

Gets his own Ph.D.

Please consider my bod

Am I studly? You bet!

I’ll lift eight thousand pounds

Without breaking a sweat

There are so many ways

I completely excel

Including, of course

Humbleness, can’t you tell?

I can breakdance and sew

And bake prizewinning pies

But the thing that I’m best at

Is making up lies