Background Check

I filled in my papers online yesterday

For a routine security check

I applied for a job, and I’m sure I’ll be fine

Though it sends a slight chill down my neck

See, it’s possible while they’re all digging around

Through the details they might have obtained

That they might find an incident, maybe a few

That I probably should have explained

Like, for instance, the crop circles, that was all me

I would wait for the end of the day

And then try to make art for my alien friends

I suppose I got carried away

And with all of my studies in biorobots

You would think I’d be able to guess

That when testing a giant mechanical beast

I shouldn’t have chosen Loch Ness

I suppose I’ll confess that the moon landings, too

Were all faked in my backyard one night

And that face up on Mars? My idea of a joke

Just to give some old egghead a fright

And there might be a couple more things in the past

That I might be responsible for:

The Titanic, Tunguska, Tiananmen Square,

And the Peloponnesian War 

The Crusades were my fault, and the Hindenburg, too

And the Plague was because of my fleas

And the storm that sent Dorothy and Toto to Oz

Got it’s start with my one little sneeze

That flood of molasses, that river that burned,

And Vanilla Ice learning to “rap”

I’m the one who sent poor old Miss Earhart along

With a sadly inadequate map 

That’s all I remember, there could be some more

They’ll uncover with all their research

But I hope they’ll be kind, cause this job would be great

At the daycare that’s run by my church