Seasons Greetings

Tomorrow, December 9, is Christmas Card Day. To help celebrate, here are a few verses for you to (not) include in your homemade cards this year.

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For Christmas I got you a puppy

But it wouldn’t fit in the box

So I sold it and kept all the money

And bought you a cheap pair of socks

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Happy Christmas, my old friend,

I hope it’s full of cheer

Enjoy the lovely snow and ice

And don’t fall on your rear

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Though I pondered for many long minutes

I didn’t know what I should get

For you, for this holiday season

So guess what? You’re looking at it!

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Poinsettias sure look so nice

A splash of color in the ice

It’s just too bad I’ve killed them dead

So here’s a ragged weed instead

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Seasons Greetings to you and yours

(Except your wife, she really snores!)

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In this holiday season

I wish you were here

Cause you ate all my chips

And you drank all my beer

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Here’s hoping Santa brings you lots

Of special stuff, you kid!

Because you’re getting squat from me

Cause I know what you did!

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Noses are red

Lips can be blue

Get out of the cold

Or you might catch the flu!